In his new Hulu documentary, Machine Gun Kelly opens up about his struggles with mental health.
In “Life in Pink,” which premiered on Monday, 32-year-old Kelly disclosed that he had thought about killing himself while speaking with his now-fiancée Megan Fox on the phone.
The singer of “Papercuts,” whose real name is Colson Baker, claimed that the dark period began in 2020 after the death of his father, with whom he had recently made peace.
“I flew to my dad’s apartment to clear all this stuff out. I had this really weird interaction with this neighbor who told me all these things I didn’t want to hear,” Kelly was quoted as saying by People. “That f—– me up even more because I couldn’t get closure on it. I wouldn’t leave my room, and I started getting really, really, really dark.”
Kelly claims that while Fox was in Bulgaria to shoot a movie, he began to have “wild paranoia” and felt that “someone was gonna come and kill” him.
Normally, the musician slept with a shotgun close by, but on that particular day, he “just f—— snapped.”
“I called Megan, I was like, ‘You aren’t here for me,'” he said in the documentary. “I’m in my room and I’m like freaking out on her, and dude, I put the shotgun in my mouth and I’m yelling on the phone and like the barrels in my mouth.
I go to cock the shotgun and the bullet as it comes back up, the shell just get jammed. Megan’s like dead silent.”
For Kelly, the incident marked a turning point because it made him realize there was something “not right” with how he was feeling.
Kelly’s 12-year-old daughter Casie and the “Transformers” actress both expressed their concern for him. The artist remembered that they both came up to him and expressed their desire to no longer communicate with him “through a veil anymore” and instead want to see him as a father and husband-to-be.
As a result, Kelly made the decision to quit using narcotics “for real this time,” according to the documentary.
The musician also discussed Fox’s positive impact on his life. He described his fiancée as “like the sun” to him, giving him life and helping him grow.
“It’s just like every fairytale that they never told you in school, that they never taught you. As the passion between us is otherworldly. I know I’ve known her in so many other lifetimes,” he added.
After meeting on the set of “Midnight in the Switchgrass,” Kelly and Fox confirmed their relationship in July 2020. They got engaged in January and sealed the union by drinking “each other’s blood.”
Kelly told Interview magazine in December 2020 that he has been seeking therapy for his addiction and self-destructive habits.
“Currently, my drug of choice is happiness and commitment to the art, rather than a commitment to a vice that I believed made the art,” he said at the time. “I’m taking steps.”
Kelly claimed that having the tools to get started was beneficial even if he was still in the early process at the time. It wasn’t easy, he continued, but he can already sense “a much more vibrant energy” surrounding him and his loved ones as a result of seeking help.